Mondis-Storytopic

There are 3 Clans, the Rockclan, the Fireclan and the Nightclan.

The territories are located around a lake.

(Das Felsclan Territorium ist eine Art Felswüste. Das Lager ist in einem Felsenkessel. Sie fressen hauptsächlich Vögel, aber auch Mäuse. Sie können sehr gut klettern, aber nicht gut schwimmen.)
The Rockclan territory is something like a rock desert. Their camp is in a rock basin. Most of the time they eat birds, but also mice. They are good climbers, but they cannot swim very well.

(Der Feuerclan lebt in einer Steppe. Ihr Lager ist von dichten Dornensträuchern umgeben. Sie fressen hauptsächlich Mäuse und Hamster. Sie sind sehr ausdauernde Läufer, wagen sie es nicht zu klettern.)
The Fireclan lives in a steppe. Their camp is surrounded by dense briars. They eat mice and hamsters. They are very persistent runners, but they do not dare to climb.

(Das Gebiet des Nachtclans ist ein Wald mit einigen Bäumen. Ihr Lager wird von einem Wall aus Brombeerranken umgeben. Sie jagen hauptsächlich Eichhörnchen und Fische. Sie sind unter den anderen Clans dafür bekannt, das sie als einziger Clan das Wasser lieben. Sie können aber nicht ausdauernd laufen.)
The area of the Night clan is a forest with a few trees. Their camp is surrounded by a wall of brambles. They hunt mainly squirrels and fish. They are the only clan, who loves water. But they can not run persistent.

Rockclan:

Fireclan:

Nightclan:

User:
Name:
Gender:
Pelt:
Eyes:
Clan:
Rank:
Family:
Beginning of the story, place where it begins, what happens:
Something else:
Character:
Mentor/Apprentice:

User: You. You write the story, but it's still my character.
Name: Tiger (-kit, later Tigerleap)
Gender: Male
Fur: http://thewindsvoice.deviantart.com/art/Warriors-306650436 (The Tom to the right)
Eyes: Yellow-Amber
Clan: At the beginning a loner, then NightClan
Rank: Kit
Family: None. Only his sisters Lynx (-shade) (on the picture, the one on the left) and Cougar (-heart) (on the right side next to the black cat, the white-orange one)
Beginning of the story, place where it begins, what happens: It's winter and Tiger, Lynx and Cougar are looking for a place to hide from the snow. They're hungry and it's cold, (they're probably just three moons old) and then they collapse near the NightClan border.
Something else: Tiger has a scar on his back and on his nose, coming from a fight with a young fox.
Cougar wants to be a Medicine cat someday.
Character: wants to protect his family, a bit hot-headed. Hates having to obey. But he is rather ambitious. He loves being alone, so he is mean to other cats sometimes. (If he says something mean to his sisters, he always apologizes afterwards.)
Mentor: You can choose.

Have fun, Mondi ^^

(Character of Lynx: Very ambitious, friendly, hyperactive, loves kits and younger cats in general, always pushes herself to her limits, needs lots of exercise, tries to be as perfect as possible, is really bound to her siblings, clanmates and friends. When she gets mad she talks very fast and it's nearly impossible to understand her.

Character of Cougar: ambitious, optimistic, clings on things very easily (like a weak kit or a badly hurt cat), isn't really attracted to anything (romantically), very calm and collected, likes to talk, stubborn, takes most things very seriously.)

It was cold. Tiger and his sisters went throug the deep snow. They were hungry and they needed a place for the night. Cougar couldn't go on anymore. She fell down and could not stand up again. The young tom picked her up and went on. Sometime latter. Lynx could not go on. I must find a place wherewe can stay. He looked around. Suddenly he found a small bush. At first he pushed Cougar under it and then Lynx. At last he crawled under it. He sleeked the fur of his sisters to get them warm. He felt tired, but he had to stay awake to protect Lynx and Cougar. I must stay awake. I must. I must. After some time he fell asleep.
At the next morning he woke up he heard strange noises outside.

What will Tiger do?

Tiger carefully sneaks outside to see what is making those noises.

Tiger carefully sneaked outside to see what is making those noises. He saw three cats. These cats were looking around and the red one goes over to his hiding place. She will find me. What can I do? The red cat called the others to come here. The white cat put her head under the bush. Tiger growled:" Go away!" The White cat looked shocked at him, but then he said:" Come out with your siblings. We can help you. It is to cold for three lonely kitten outside." The cat went away from the bush, so that Tiger could go out. The younger red one whispered something to the lightbrown cat and locked scared at him.

What will Tiger do now?

Tiger looks at the white cat and asks "Who are you to tell me what to do?!" But then he coughs because he cought a cold in the snowstorm.

Tiger looked at the white tom and asked:" Who are you to tell me what to do?!" But then he coughed because he cought a cold in the  snowstorm. With a calm voice the white cat answerded:" I am Iceheart, a warrior from Nightclan. This is Moonclaw and his apprentic Redpaw. It would be a good idea to go with us, to our camp. There you are safer than here and it is warmer." He is right. My sisters need help. But when it gets warmer, we will travel forth.He nooded and said:" Good. We'll come with you, but only until the cold time is over." Then the lightbrown cat asked:" Should we help you carry your sisters?" Tiger just nodded. He picked Cougar up and went outside the bush. Moonclaw picked Lynx up. Iceheart went forwards. The others followed him. They went through the forest to a wall of brambles. Then they passed a hole and entered the camp. Moonclaw went to a den with lots of plants. Tiger followed her. There was a white-grey tabby shecat. She said:" I am Mistcloud, the medicine cat." Moonclaw put Lynx into a nest. Tiger layed Cougar next to her sister. Moonclaw left them. The medicine cat gave his sisters some plants and sleeked there fur. She asked him:" Do you want to stay here or do you want to go to the nursery, where you can sleep? I must keep your sisters here for some time. "

What will Tiger do now?

Tiger says: "No one separates me and my sisters!"

Tiger said:" No one separates me and my sisters!" Mistcloud said softly:" I do not want to separate you and your siblings. It was only an offer.  So you can fetched some moss to build a nest next to your sisters." The medicine cat went into an other part of her den and looked after some herbs. The young tom tooked moss next to Cougar and Lynx. He licked Cougars fur. His sister murmured something in her sleep. I hope the two will get better soon. It is always nice with them. Last autumn we played so much. It was funny. We will find a new good life for us. Mistcloud matterd:" I need new herbs. Tomorrow I will go into the forerst and get some. But it is winter. I hope that I will find some. For illnesses like greencough or others. I hope Starclan is with us. I must go to the Moonlake soon. Any advice would be good or maybe a prophecy. " Tiger regarded her doing. She is a bit strange.The things she says are weird. What is the starclan and the moonlake? And what is she saying about a prophecy. I do not unterstand that. These clancats are sometimes really weird. The shecat went to his sisters and looked after them. Then she asked him:" Would you bring me a mouse from the fresh- kill pile. You can also take something for yourself."

What will Tiger do next?

Tiger looks defiant, almost says something, but then he looks at his sisters. Then, muttering a few things (why do I have to,...) he takes two mouses from the fresh kill pile.

Tiger looked defiant. He almost wanted to say something, but then he looked at his sisters. After that he muttered:" Why do I have to do that? " I am not her slave. But she helped Cougar an Lynx, so it would not be bad. Then he walked out of Mistcloud's den. He looked around in the camp and searched for the fresh kile pile. Finally he found it under some snow. He removed a bit of snow and looked, what he could choose. A mouse for Mistcloud. There is a thin squirrel, a little bird, a  few fish and some mice. I would rather choose a mouse. I do not want to take there best fresh kill. Disgusted Tiger pushed the fish away and picked the two mice up. Curiously he looked around, when he went back to the den, where he was going to sleep now. He meowed:"  Here is your mouse." Mistcloud murmured:" Thank you." The medicine cat took her fresh kill and ate it. Tiger ate his one too. After they  had finished Lynx  blinked and wanted to say something but it was only a rasping. Mistcloud picked some wet moss up and laid it before the shecat. Lynx licked over it, wenn she had finished she asked:" Where are we?"

What will Tiger do now?
I do not like to write the short forms. With them I cannot write so fluently.

He purrs a bit because now he knows she is alive, then he meows "I think this is the camp of Nightclan. A few Warriors or something like that brought us here." After that he whispers, that he doesn't fully trust them.

Tiger purred a bit. She is alive! I am so glad. Then he meowed:" I think this is the camp of Nightclan. A few warriors or something like that brought us here. " After that he whispered: " But I do not fully trust them." Lynx nodded. Cougar moved her paw over her face and murmured:" I want to sleep and don't like to stand up." Tiger looked relieved and amused at her sister. The tom gave Cougar a push and said:" You are awake. Come on stand up. We are safe. In  Nightclan camp." The cat lift her head and looked curiosly around. "That is interesting. Who are you? Are you a Clan cat?, asked Cougar. Mistcloud answered:" Yes, I belong to the Nightclan. I am their medicine cat, so I help the ill cats." She watched the medicine cat surprised and said:" Can I  have some water?" Lynx pushed her wet Moss next to her. She said:" I am so glad that you are alive. And that all sounds so great." Tiger  licked Cougars fur and whispered into her ear: " I do not fully trust them. Be carefully." His sister just nodded. Mistcloud spoke:" So you are awake. Do you hurt anything?" Lynx answered: " No, not really. I only want to sleep. I am so tired." She closed her eyes and plced her head in her paws. Cougar added:" I want to sleep too. Tomorrow is also a day." So the two sisters felt asleep. Mistcloud said to Tiger:" I must leave the den for a while. If you need help you can ask another cat or a queen." The medicine cat left the den and Tiger was alone with his sleeping sisters.

What will Tiger do next?

Tiger looked relieved and amused at her sister.   - her? Tiger is a male, y'know?
to the Nightclan.    -could you please leave out the 'the'?
Lynx pushed her wet Moss next to her.   - push something next to someone? Nah, I don't think so. Write Lynx pushed her wet Moss over to her. Or something like that...
And that all sounds so great.   - What all? The Word 'NightClan' and the concept of a cat helping ill cats? I don't think that sentence makes sense right now. I mean, it would make more sense if Mistcloud explained how she helps ill cats.
Be carefully.    - really? be carefulLY?
Do you hurt anything? - Well that would mean 'Tust du irgendetwas weh?'.
She closed her eyes and plced her head in her paws. - Ouch! Placing your head inside your paws must hurt! Placed her head on her paws maybe?


He stays with his sisters for a while and watches them, then he leaves the den and looks at the other cats in the camp.

(Don't forget to make the other cats a bit hostile. Tiger and his sisters are still loners. And, as we know, Clancats don't like loners.)

Tiger stayed for a while with his sisters and watched them. I am so glad that they feel well. If it is not any more cold and they are strong enough, we will find a new and safe home. Then he left the den and looked at the other cats in the camp. Some younger cats looked a bit scared at him. A darkgrey-red tabby cat whispered something to the others. I remember the red one. Her  name was Redpaw I think. The older cats looked a bit hostile and suspiciously at him. A black cat saw him and went over to him. What will she? I don't do the others anything! I just look at them. The black she-cat said:" I am Blackstar, the leader of Nightclan. I hope your sisters feel better." Tiger looked a bit suspiciously at her and answered:" I am Tiger. Yes, Cougar and Lynx feel better." What will she!?? Why is she asking how my sisters feel?? That is my business!"Oh that is good. If you want to, you and your sisters can stay here and become warriors. You are very welcome. The other cats are a bit hostile, but this is ordinary at the beginning," the leader of Nightclan replied.

What will Tiger do next?

If it is not any more cold... - When it's not cold any more...
Her name was Redpaw I think. - His name as far as I know.
I don't do the others anything! - Really? I don't do? I didn't do anything to the others or what do you mean?
I just look at them. - yeah. I just looked at them.
What will she!?? - Honestly?! What will? Wollen=/= will !!!

"Become warriors? What do you mean? What is a warrior?", Tiger asks.

"Become warriors? What do you mean? What is a warrior?", Tiger asked. Blackstar answered a bit surprised:" Before you become a warrior you are an apprentice from one. You could also be an appretice from a medicine cat. And if you and your sisters want to stay here you can become warriors. As a Statement warriors are the cats in a clan, who catch fresh kill and fight against hostile cats, fox or dadgers." It sounds nice, but I would not fight for cats, which I do not know. Everyone should kill his own fresh killThe young Tom just nodded and said" But we are not sure if we really want to stay here." The leader of Nightclan smiled and replied:" It is your choice. I only want to say you that there is the possibility." She turned around and left him alone. Why is she asking me? Does she needs so much new warriors? I am suspiciously. We will see what happen. He looked at the activities of the clan. One cat organize patrols. Interesting. Tiger went a bit in the camp around. Suddenly he crashed into an old grey she-cat with black and beige spots on her pelt. " Look on your way. Some kits are sometimes really silly and absent, right Lionpelt?", asked she an old tom with long creme-colored fur. Lionpelt replied:" Do not be so grumpy, Duskcloud. I think he is one of the three young kits, which Iceheart and his patrol found." She murmured:" You are right. So. I am Duskcloud one of the elders of Nightclan and this is Lionpelt, also one." Tiger looked surpried at them and said:" Yes, I am one of the new cats. My name is Tiger. " The elders nodded and went back to there den.

What will Tiger do now?

Before you become a warrior you are an apprentice from one. - sounds very wrong, that 'from one'. Write '...apprentice, and one of the warriors is your mentor.'
You could also be an appretice from a medicine cat. - I think of is better than from
hostile cats, fox or dadgers. - hostile cats, foxes or badgers.
Everyone should kill his own fresh kill. - kill fresh kill? hunt for his own fresh kill maybe?
Does she needs so much new warriors? - neeeds? neeeeedsssssss? Much milk, many warriors.
I am suspiciously. - Be makes NO adverbs.
One cat organize... - SSSSSSSS
Tiger went a bit in the camp around. - went around a bit in the camp or something like that.
Look on your way. - you don't say that. it's watch your step.
Some kits are sometimes. - Leave the first some out.


Don't forget, Tiger is still grumpy. He doesn't tell his name so freely.

Tiger wonders what an elder might be and how the training as an apprentice looks like.

Tiger wonderd about all these strange things. What is an elder? How is the training as an apprentice? These is a really strange place with strange cats. Maybe I should look after my sisters. The young tom went to the den of the medicine cat. Before he went in the den Redpaw and the two other youngr cats went over to him. Redpaw asked him:" Are your sister okay again?" Tiger looked bored at him and answered :" Yes." The darkgrey-red she-cat replied:" So when Cougar and Lynx, that are the names are okay again you three will become warriors? That is so awesome. Than we have more apprentices. Oh I forget. My name is Darkpaw and this is my brother Seapaw." Tiger just nooded and said:" When my sisters are okay we will see. And now I have to look at them. Bye." He turned around and went into the den of the medicine cat. Why do all cats want my sisters and me to become apprentices? I don´t know an answer. In this "Clan" live strange cats. Tiger went to cougar and Lynx and looked at them. Some time later Cougar and Lynx woke up. Cougar asked:" Where have you been?"

What will Tiger do next?

Tiger wonderd about all these strange things. - WONDERED. Those strange things.
The young tom went to the den of the medicine cat. Before he went in the den Redpaw and the two other youngr cats went over to him.   - to the den then in the den. you repeat yourself. How about "The young tom wanted to enter the medicine cat's den, but he was stopped by Redpaw and two other cats."
Are your sister okay again? - sisters.
Tiger looked bored at him and answered :  - the bored sounds weird. Leave it without the bored.
The darkgrey-red she-cat replied: - NAH people think it's Redpaw who answers. Write: One of the other cats, a darkgrey-red she-cat, replied. Unless you meant Redpaw, but she says "So when Cougar and Lynx, that are the names are okay again you three will become warriors? That is so awesome. Than we have more apprentices. Oh I forget. My name is Darkpaw and this is my brother Seapaw."
So when Cougar and Lynx, that are the names are okay again you three will become warriors? - Why the hell does she know the names? Did Tiger ever say what their names were?
Oh I forget. - FORGOT
Tiger just nooded and said: - To what exactly does he nod? There is nothing to nod about...
I have to look at them - ERR look after?
Tiger went to cougar and Lynx and looked at them. - do you need to use went for EVERYTHING he can also enter the den instead of go into, or he could sneak up to Cougar and Lynx AND WATCH THEM?
Tiger went to cougar and Lynx and looked at them. Some time later Cougar and Lynx woke up. Cougar asked:" Where have you been?" -COUGAR * 3, LYNX*2. USE NOT ONLY THEIR NAMES.
Also why does Cougar ask 'Where have you been?' Did she even notice he was gone? I don't think so. I'd rather ask "Were you watching us all the time?"

"I explored the camp." Tiger answers.

"I explored the camp", Tiger answered. Cougar and Lynx looked couriously at him. Then Lynx asked:"Did you meet some clan cats?" The yound Tom just nodded. Cougar replied:" What did the cats say to you? That all here is so strange. Will you tell us something you have heard?" "Yes, I will. So there was the leader of these clan. Blackstar was her Name. She asked me if we wanted to stay here and become warriors or something like that.", Tiger explained. Lynx exclaimed:" To become a warrior that sounds interesting. Do you know what a warriors do all over the day?" Tiger replied:" I am not sure. We could ask Miskcloud, the medicine cat, when she is back." Cougar wanted to know:" And which other cats did you meet?" The tom sighed:" I met two elders, whatever elder means, maybe just old cats. Their names were Lionpelt and Duskcloud. Finally three apprentices. Redpaw, Seapaw and Darkpaw. I think these are some of the cats, who become warriors, but I am not sure." Lynx replied:" That all sounds interesting. We have to ask Mistcloud for some informations."Suddenly Mistcloud entered the den and said:" Oh, You are okay again. That is good."

What will Tiger do next?

Cougar and Lynx are way too excited by just hearing names of the ranks. Lynx wouldn't exclaim "Oh! To become a warror..." She would at maximum think "Warrior sounds interesting. I wonder what they do." And then she might ask "Do you know what warriors do all day long?"
Cougar wanted to know:" And which other cats did you meet?"- The question Cougar asks then doesn't make sense. She asks like she knew he met other cats. She'd ask "And did you meet any other cats?" 
I met two elders. What ever elders are. Maybe just old cats. - FOUR WORD SENTENCES? I met two elders, whatever elder means, maybe just old cats. 
There names were Lionpelt and Duskcloud.  - There! Names! Watch out! 
AND FINALLY Lynx would never ever say "That all sounds so amazing." Not even Cougar would. THEY JUST HEARD SOME NAMES; GOD! Would you think WOOOOOOW after you heard the words Warrior, Elder, Leader and Apprentice? AND NOTHING ELSE? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN! JEEEEEZ!
We could ask Miskcloud, when she is back." - Lynx and Cougar do not know the name Mistcloud yet. They just know that this one cat is the medicine cat of NightClan. 
Cougar and Lynx looked couriously at him - looked at him curiously...
Did you met some clan cats?  - Did met?
That all here is so strange and amazing. - As I said. Lynx nor Cougar nor Tiger are amazed by NAMES of ranks they know nothing about.
..the leader of these clan.  - Hm, NOT RIGHT.

First, could you please edit your posts and correct the mistakes? It's better to read a text without those mistakes...


He looks at Mistcloud and then asks: "Could you tell us more about your Clan? We don't quite understand all the things like warriors and elders yet."

Tiger looked at Miskcloud and asked:"Could you tell us more about your Clan? We don't understand all the things like Warriors and elders yet."  The medicine cat put some herbs in another part of the den. Then she sat down in front of the three siblings. "Okay. Where should I begin? Maybe Warriors and apprentices are interesting for you. Or do you want to know something different, like leaders, the law of warriors, the others clans or cats in the clan?", replied Miskcloud. I don't know, maybe warriors and apprentices are interesting, but the law of warriors sounds also good.

What will Tiger, Lynx and Cougar want to know?

Tiger wants to know something about the Law of warriors.

Lynx meowed:" I want to know all about warriors!" Cougar answered:" The law things sound interesting." Tiger said:" I think the law of warriors would be a good choice." Miskcloud replied:" Okay, then is the law of warriors your choice. There are a lot of rules, which are really important for the three clans, that they can live next to each other without fighting. So the first rule: Defend your Clan, even with your life. You may have friendships with cats from other Clans, but your loyalty must remain to your Clan, as one day you may meet them in battle. This means that your clan is really important for everyone." Cougar wanted to know:" So a cat can have friends in another clan, but they are not so important like the clan?" The medicine cat meowed:" You are right. Also it means that a cat should fight for your family and that you shouldn't love a cat from another clan." The she-cat explained:" I hope you understand it. So the second one: Do not hunt or trespass on another Clan's territory. Every clan has his own territory so you shouldn't go in another and stealing fresh kill is also not good. 3.Elders, queens, and kits must be fed before apprentices and warriors. Unless they have permission, apprentices may not eat until they have hunted to feed the elders. If any warrior or apprentice is sick or injured, they may eat while the elders, queens, and kits are eating. These are all important cats for the clan. Queen get kits, kits become warriors, elders were warriors and sick or injured cats need to get well again. I think it is clear. Oh look it is midday. Do you want to eat something before I go along?"

Do they want someting to eat?

warrior code: